It took me a while to figure out what to do with this week's theme of vulnerable side. What do I feel vulnerable about? I'm fine with my upper arms showing, I've already done the body con dress, I thought about swimwear but I'd rather save that until swimwear week, I don't like wearing short dresses but that's more of a practical reason (I hate stuff riding up when I walk) than a vulnerable issue. Finally, being sick this week helped me figure it out. When I'm feeling sick and vulnerable, how do I dress? What do I wear when I'm alone in the house with no one to see me?
Firstly, I don't bother with make-up. I don't wear much, but I love a bright lipstick. Secondly, I wear a comfortable, shapeless dress. Usually when I'm putting together outfits, I go for things that are fitted. If I wear a shapeless dress, I'll pull it in with a belt. If I wear a baggy top, I'll tuck it into a skirt. Mostly that's just how I like to dress, but a small part of it is the pressure to look well pulled together at all times. When you're fat, there's a general societal pressure to make more effort with your outfits- a thin person wearing track pants and a t-shirt out in public is just coming back from the gym, or was in a hurry. A fat person wearing the same outfit is seen as sloppy and lazy. There's also a societal pressure to always emphasise your "assets", show the public your small waist, or your thin legs, but hide your fat tummy, your upper arms. Wear clothes that "flatter", show the parts of you that are deemed acceptable, and so on.
Well you know what? I'm fat. I'm fat no matter what I wear. Which is actually a great freedom, when you think about it. If I look fat no matter what I wear, then I can wear whatever I want. I don't exist for the public's viewing pleasure.
That said, it was still hard to be in front of the camera with no make up, still red-faced from working in the garden, and no belt around my shapeless dress. Vulnerable.
Dress: Asos Curve (24)
Shoes: Big W (11)
Hair flowers: Big W